Master of terror and chief of nightmares, Mr. Stephen King has added one more Thing of Evil to his clan. Ahem, that’s Molly, I mean.
This wee little rump stumper is waddling straight into our hearts, and she continues to try and fool us of her innocence with her contagious Corg smile.
Let us take a walk through a typical dog day of Miss Molly King…
**Note: Some language may not be appropriate for tiny humans. Larger humans, proceed.**
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11 A.M.
Most days, Molly begins her mornings by carefully conceptualizing and filing away a variety of misdeeds, to be executed either the same day or some date in the future.
1 P.M.
Roughly one to two hours later, Molly is ready to take action. Today, she decides that she didn’t like the look those tissues gave her, and they needed to pay.
2 P.M.
Boy, ripping paper is exhausting. An afternoon nap will surely get the demonic blood flowing again.
3 P.M.
Once she wakes, she must remember to start out slow—going straight for a kill after sleep is not good for the soul.
4 P.M.
Now fully recharged, Cujo Molly pierces the jugular of the Purple Dinosaur and brings it to the ground singlehandedly. At last, the beast is dead.
5 P.M.
Her father must be cautious in the moments following her return from the dark side… the girl scouts roaming the neighborhood might not have enough cookies to fend off her raging butt fluff.
6 P.M.
With her adrenaline still pumping from her earlier kill, Molly looks to run off some energy on the treadmill. Alas, she has as much motivation for exercise as I do. Perhaps a nap will be more effective.
7 P.M.
The end of day is nigh, and Molly is, unfortunately, running out of time to cause trouble. She realizes that while she is small, there are endless possibilities for evil in the world at large.
8 P.M.
At least there is a brightness to the dark side. A yin to her yang. You get it.
9 P.M.
Ah, well. So much havoc to wreak, not enough dog years to do it. At least there’s tomorrow. Good night, Molly.
