Humor

100% Verified Places To Pet Your Dog

100% Verified Places To Pet Your Dog

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Deep down, we all have the same question: “Gosh, I love my dog, but I don’t know how to show ’em that I care!” The solution, friends, is to “pet” your dog! “But what is petting,” you ask, “and where do I do it?”

Luckily, I am a pet scientist and expert professional petter, and I’m here to walk you through the exact best places to pet a dog.

1. The Butt

Folks, you can’t go wrong with the butt. My favorite thing about scratching a good dogbutt is how sometimes it makes their legs just go so dumb. Look at that extension! That’s how you know this big ballerina is having the time of his life.

2. The Head

There are so many options here—the top of the head, behind the ears, the face. One move I like is to start at the top of the head and go behind the ears and maybe, if you and said dog have a good rapport, you can give em a kiss.

3. The Belly

Bellies are great. Look at that big soft dumb thing! Many scientists believe that the canine belly only exists so that people can pet it, and that its food storage purposes evolved later. Okay, that’s not true. But we can agree that we *want* it to be true, right?

4. The Chest

Some dogs just have magnificent chests. I don’t know how to say that without it sounding weird, but folks, you know what I mean.

5. The Paw

Ah, the versatile paw. You can shake it like your dog is an influential businessman, or massage it like your dog is an influential businessman on vacation, or take a whiff of that famous corn-chip scent, like your dog is an influential businessman at Frito-Lay.

6. The Tip of the Tail

I like to pretend I’m shaking the hand of their butt.

Alright, those are the places to pet a dog! Did I miss anything? Let me know!

What’s your dog’s favorite place to be petted? Or pet? The past-tense there always confused me. I’m a pet scientist, not a pet grammarian. Anyway, let us know! And maybe send photo or video evidence, if you’d like. We love to see happy dogs!

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