It’s what’s on the inside, not the outside, that counts… at least with humans. Dogs though, totally different story. We judge dogs every day based on their breed, fur color, and adorability factor. Is it fair? Hells to the no, but its just the way of the world. No dog show has a “best personality” competition, for instance. (Well, maybe ones in Portland or something.) Today we take a look at some of the stranger dog breeds that roam this earth! No worries though, we each know of these “weirdos” has a great personality.
The Affenpinscher is often referred to as “the monkey dog,” and is likely the cutest thing associated with monkeys (besides Davy Jones, of course. Holy dreamboat, hope I can get him to sing at prom!) The dog is of German origins, which becomes SUPER OBVI when you look at the name.
Looks Most Like: A casual Friday Ewok. Then again, Affenpinscher Banana Joe V Tani Kazari named Best in Show at the 2013 Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show for the first time so what the hell do I know?
2. Bergamasco Shepherd
Look at this guy. The Bergamasco Shepherd is of Italian descent and was originally used as a herding dog for sheep and cattle in the Italian Alps. Here’s my impression of this Italian herding dog:”Eyy whatsamadayu sheep?” Thank you. You may notice that this sucker’s coat is what single-handedly qualifies it for this list. The weird-arse coat consists of three types of hair: a dense, oily undercoat, long harsher goat-like hair in the middle, and a woolly outer coat. The breed is known for their presence and alertness.
Looks Most Like: Your weird uncle’s weed dealer.
3. Bull Terrier
This may seem like a controversial choice, but come on – Bull Terriers are odd ducks (dogs.) Known as the “gladiator of the canine race,” the Bull Terrier has a distinct egg shaped head that is the primary reason for my judgment of it. Breeds were developed in the mid-19th century for vermin control and frickin’ blood sport! Blood sport! I guess it was the 19th century, and no one really knew what to do with their time, but still. Fun fact: deafness occurs in 20% of pure white bull terriers, which means they are less likely to hear the taunts of “hey, Egg-head!”
Looks Most Like: I am the egg dog. Goo goo ga-joob.
Looks like a moppier version of the Bergamasco, but there’s more to it than that.
The Komondor is a Hungarian breed of livestock guard dog, often referred to as mop dogs for obvious reasons (they like to mop.) Brought to Hungary by Cumans (Turkish peeps) during the 12th and 13th centuries, their fur looks like so many dreadlocks each Komondor is basically its own Ziggy Marley tribute band. Speaking of that coat, it takes two and a half days to dry after a bath, so I reckon many are smelly. Then again, its thickness is designed to protect from wolfbites, so I guess its a tradeoff.
Looks Most Like: A walking koosh ball.
A Russian wolf hound, the Borzoi descends from Russian dogs brought from central Asian countries. On a basic level, they are really longhaired greyhounds, which I guess doesn’t sound that odd, but in practice, looks freaky. They are selective learners who get bored with pointless activity (probably don’t take many Buzzfeed quizzes), rarely bark, and are very even tempered. You might spot a Borzoi in works of art at your local museum or if you’re on a fox hunt, for some reason.
Looks Most Like: Dr. Seuss presents: a dog.
6. Bedlington Terrier
Named after a mining town in North East England, the Bedlington Terrier was bred to hunt vermin in mines because hey, what’s more fun? These lamby canines are known for being good with children and their ablity to kill any dog of equal weight, which seems like an odd pairing. Their coat is linty in texture, thus their nickname “linty haired terrier.” I dunno, all I can think of while looking at them is “This Is the Song That Never Ends.” Crap, now its stuck in my head.
Looks Most Like: I mean, they’re literally just lambs, right? That’s a damn lamb!
7. Bouvier Des Flandres
This herding dog is notable for its combination of two last names from The Simpsons. Not really, but sort of! Actually, the name translates to “cow herder of Flanders” due to the breed’s European origins. WWI almost caused the breed to disappear due to military use of dogs. They were again endangered by WWII, because humans learn nothing. Finally in 1965, the breed standard was adapted by the FCI and all was good. They make good family pets or weird looking guard dogs. Fun Fact: Reagan’s dog, Lucky, was one of these. I guess that fact’s not that fun.
Looks Most Like: Hamster dog.
8. Cirneco Dell Etna
I guess some may consider the Cirneco Dell Etna to be a very regal looking dog, but to me, they’re like if you took the Regal-O-Meter and turned it up three notches TOO HIGH. However, these guys are super handy – originating from Sicily, they can work for hours without food or water and are built for endurance over harsh terrain. In other words, they’re the perfect dog to take with you on the lam as you run from your shady government pursuers. Plus, they’re bred to hunt rabbits – so they’re the Elmer Fudd of dogs!
Looks Most Like: A dog with a human face. Seriously, look again.
9. Brussels Griffon (or Griffon Bruxellois)
Originating from Brussels, the Brussels Griffon has quite the origin story. Like a lot of breeds, the BG as a breed was hit hard in the aftermath of WWII, when Belgium was running real low on their Griffon supply. However, after dedicated UK breeders got them back into the mix, the BG truly became superstars behind the support of Queen Marie Henriette of Austria, who was like the Usher to the Griffons’ Bieber.
Looks Most Like: The Lorax of dogs (he speaks for the dog trees.)
10. Akbash Dog
In Turkish, Akbash means literally “white head” so there’s your origin story of how the Akbash got its name. Bred as a guardian or shepherd dog, the Akbash was brought to America in the 70s by some Americans living in Turkey Judith and David Nelson. Their freakazoid appearance is mainly due to their long legs, curly tail, and feathers – features that all work well on completely separate animals.
Looks Most Like: If we can’t save the polar bears, we could totally just dress a few of these guys up.
11. Chinese Crested Dog
Ok, let’s talk about this guy. First of all, it goes above and beyond and comes in two equally odd looking varieties: Powderpuff (with fur) and Hairless (hairless.) The Hairless has soft, humanlike skin and puffs on its paws (called “socks”) and tail (called “plume.”) It also has hare foot (longer toes) as opposed to most dogs’ cat foot, which sounds like it could use a re-title. Powderpuffs are ideal for apartment or city living, which explains why you probably saw a drunk housewife with one downing martinis at lunch at a Europa Cafe last Tuesday. These fellas originate in Africa and NOT from China, which seems like a communication mishap.
Fun fact: Hairless purebred Sam won Ugliest Dog Contest from 2003-05. (The Ugliest Dog Contest is actually a celebration of the fact that “Beauty’s in the eye of the beholder.”)