1. "Ahem...I was told there'd be bedtime snacks."
2. Mr. Sandman, bring me a boneā¦and a blankie."
3. "I had a long day. No, I don't want to talk about it. Let's just binge Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt and pass out."
4. "After 50 Shades of Grey, how about I pick what we read from now on?"
5. "Can you tuck me in? I had a long day of taking pictures of myself, framing them, and leaving them all over the house."
6. "Yeah, I snore. But you don't mind because it's adorable."
7. "These accommodations are...subpar. I usually get the human bed. Now go fetch me a warm non-fat milk."
8. Maybe watching Gone Girl before bed wasn't such a good idea.
9. "I'm just going to pretend I'm asleep while you see what I did to the trash can in the kitchen."
10. "Okay, now read it again but with the character voices!!"
11. "I chased SOOOOOO many cars last night...i think..."
12. "But Im not tired and my Twitter followers need to know where i peed."
13. "I'll wake up when its time for my massage."
14. Ahem, I need a bedtime story first...
15. But she kicks in her sleep! (And he farts!)