Anyone who has ever worked in the veterinary industry can tell you that sometimes you just gotta laugh to keep from crying. It’s a stressful gig with long hours, lots of noise, funky smells and even funkier bodily functions (from the animals, of course).
But ask your vet staff and I’m sure they’ll tell you they wouldn’t trade it for the world. Aside from helping pets and people, they get to hear and witness some of the craziest and most hilarious stories from their dog-loving clients! Here are a few of my favorites from my time as a vet tech.
1. Sneaky Schnauzer
A regular client brought his Miniature Schnauzer, Snoopy, in for her one-year check up and vaccinations. She had been a rather feisty and rambunctious puppy, and her dad was eager to show us how much she’d matured. After her visit, he boasted in the lobby about just how impeccably trained his darling Snoopy had become. We congratulated him on her progress, but it just wasn’t enough; he had to show us.
Snoopy’s dad declared her excellence at the “sit, stay, come” commands and before we knew it, he had marched out the front door and plopped the pooch in the parking lot sans leash to demonstrate her obedience. Of course, Snoopy took off like a shot! Three technicians, one vet, two receptionists and an office manager later, we managed to corner Snoopy and return her to her terrified and disappointed father. Luckily our office is tucked away on a quiet cul-de-sac so Snoopy the Sneaky Schnauzer was captured before she could get lost or hurt.
2. For Guests Only
One Yorkie patient was proving especially difficult to potty train. The client called over and over asking for advice on how to get the pup to poop outside. He would urinate outdoors, but refused to poop until brought inside. We did our best to recommend different training techniques that may help, but the stubborn little fuzzbutt just wouldn’t be tamed!
One day, the client called ecstatic, saying that it had been three days without any “surprises” on the carpet. No one could explain the sudden change, but we were happy for the client and glad the problem had resolved itself. The next day, the client phoned again sounding frustrated but amused. She had discovered the secret behind her dog’s sudden potty progress while vacuuming that morning. As she pushed the machine underneath the bed in the little used guest room, she sensed a foul odor. When she crouched down for a look, she found her dog’s dirty little secret. He had turned the guest room into his personal master bath!
3. Topical Humor
A very angry client phoned to tell us that the flea product we recommended for her dog not only wasn’t killing the fleas, it was making her dog foam at the mouth! Some dogs can have very serious reactions to flea medications, so we began asking her a series of questions: Is he vomiting? Does he seem disoriented? How long ago did you give him the tablet?
At this last question she shouted, “It wasn’t a tablet! I gave him the liquid you recommended!” With several products for treating and preventing parasites out there, it can certainly be confusing. This particular client had heard about the new flea tablet and confused it with the topical liquid sold over the counter at the pharmacy. Pouring topical flea liquid down a dog’s throat is disgusting, but luckily not life threatening!
4. Secret Stash
A very concerned young man in his early 20s presented his Lab mix pup. The dog had suddenly become lethargic, nervous and had urinated on the owner’s lap during the drive to the office. Fearing serious conditions like epilepsy or poisoning, the vet began asking a series of questions. The young man was very evasive about responding to questions related to poisoning.
The vet finally became frustrated and demanded to know what the dog had eaten, stating that he could die if not given the correct treatment. The boy broke down in tears and confessed that the pooch had found and eaten his stash of marijuana. We assured him that not only would the puppy make a full recovery, but also that we had no intention of reporting him to the police!
5. Revenge Is A Dish Best Served “Gold”
A particularly pushy Rottweiler by the name of Penny has long been an office darling. Whenever she visits the clinic she marches around like she owns the place, presenting her stumpy butt to be scratched by all she encounters.
One day, Penny’s mom wanted to take a nap, but Penny had other plans. She tried nudging her owner, whining, growling, and pawing at her; nothing worked. Finally, Penny came up with a plan that definitely got her mom’s attention–she snatched a pair of 1.5 carat diamond and gold earrings off the bedside table! After a game of chase that was horrifying to the owner and loads of fun to Penny, it was determined that the studs had gone down the hatch. While Penny enjoyed several days of high fiber canned food, her mom got the task of sifting through her poop until the earrings reemerged.
6. Look What The Lab Dragged In
Emma the English Lab’s parents were confirmed dog people. They had Emma, a bird, a rabbit, and no intentions of having a cat. One day Emma came in through the dog door and went straight to her bed. This was very unusual because she always came to the kitchen first for a treat. Concerned that she may have carried in a lizard or stick, Emma’s mom went to investigate. She found Emma snuggled in her bed with a tiny Tabby kitten! They considered bringing the kitty to the Humane Society, but after seeing how frantic Emma got whenever anyone handled her new buddy, they decided to let her keep it.
Every night Emma and her adopted cat, Callie, sleep together in Emma’s bed.
Featured image via @shoeless.joe.jackson.aka.joey