"We accept payment in treats. Thank you in advance."
"Wish you guys had told me we were doing this so I could have shaven my legs. But it's fine, I guess."
"You got me mini versions of your shoes? You shouldn't have!"
"I was told we were going to be fetching things. I have fetched nothing but mixed feelings about this baby."
"Another human? But why? The dog:human ratio is ruined!"
"I found this thing. I don't know if you want me to pee on it but I can make that happen."
"Now we know who to blame the poopsplosions on."
When your humans ask you to hold a sign and you can't even read but you're ashamed to admit it in front of your girlfriend so you just stand there looking derpy because that's just the way life is sometimes.
"I was told there would be refreshments. I...I don't see any."
"It's like, I would like to wear shoes every once in a while too, y'know? But they got me the wrong size and how do you even bring that up without seeming ungrateful?"
"Are...are there treats in the shoes? Like, what kind of game are we playing here?"
"You forgot to get shoes for your front paws. It's like you're not even trying to be less basic."
"You think this is a game?"
"To be fair, I thought it was my birthday. It obviously isn't because there's no cake. I am disappoint."