Welcome to Bark After Dark, a series of hilarious but slightly unusual articles we post in the wee hours of the morning for you
weirdos night owls. Not for the faint of heart, weak of stomach, or low of humor. Enjoy!
The holidays can be a hard time. Pressure is on, money is tight, relatives are…alive. At least you can always count on your trusty pup to be on your side when the going gets tough. Or can you? If the rest of your family is dysfunctional, why wouldn’t your dog be too? After all, you raised him to be the little fur ball he is today. And now you get hit with the therapy bills. Look, not everybody can be the dog whisperer, okay? We all make mistakes. If your family is straight out of Jonathan Franzen novel, here are 10 ways your doggie will destroy Thanksgiving.
1. Muffin hits the chianti hard and passes out before the first guest arrives.
2. You ask your French Bulldog to pass the mashed potatoes, he tells you he wants a divorce.
3. Your daughter brings her new boyfriend home for Thanksgiving. It’s this guy.
4. “Screw you Mom,” he says, when you force him to wear a nice sweater for grandma.
5. You announce dessert, forget to knock, and walk in on this.
6. The turkey leg wasn’t up to his standards. You sleep on the couch tonight.
7. Despite the warnings, he plays with fire. Goodbye aunt Kathy’s house.
8. Your famous chocolate pie ends in a visit to the ER vet. I hope it was worth it, Waffles.
9. Janet’s dog just graduated from Harvard. Your dog took a dump in the closet.
10. But despite bringing shame and dishonor to your family name, your pup will always be at the top of your grateful list.
Featured image via Tully’s Training