Welcome to BarkPost After Dark, a series of hilarious but slightly inappropriate articles we post in the wee hours of the morning for you weirdos night owls. Not recommended for baby hoomans or the overly sensitive. Enjoy!
The thing that most bothers me as a dog lover is not being able to ask dogs how they feel. I would love to ask dogs if they like it more when I scratch their ear or their booty. Or what flavor of dog food they absolutely love best. Or how they felt when they woke up one day without their balls.
Losing your dangly bits must be a life-altering (hehe) event, one that would naturally produce intense feelings that could only properly be expressed in the form of a haiku.
Here are 11 haikus that could have been written by a dog upon reaching down for a lick and wondering where his gonads went.
1. By Snikt
taken, without my consent,
nothing to lick now.
2. By Robert
Proudly below my butthole
But now they are gone
[bp_related_article]
3. By Nancy Gooddogz
the vet has taken my balls
but still have lipstick
4. By GMF
Both in the soul and the crotch
It is all your fault
5. By MaPoDoFu
can jump a bit higher, yet
my soul is heavy
6. By Joanna
That the only balls I know
Are the balls you throw
7. By Renée
we were visiting the park
I woke half a man.
8. By anon
but you won’t take my power
to make you touch poop
9. By Hrothgar
there’s no emptiness like this
screw your snausages
10. By lapietra
an eternal bachelor
chasing butterflies
11. By Sam
dog licking his bollocks and
I weep. Cos I can’t.
Featured image via @sirdukesworld
