Humor

Here’s What Happens When A Hungry Pug Reviews Your Cooking

Here’s What Happens When A Hungry Pug Reviews Your Cooking

Dear Diary,

I just love food…

Even though I scoff up whatever Ma puts in my dog bowl, I really do have a genuine appreciation for overall taste, smell and presentation of what I’m eating.

Okkkkkkk, I appreciate it most of the time, when I don’t inhale it in 2.5 seconds. I’m a Pug. I get hangry, I can’t help it!

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My Pug mom has tried to up her game and be more domestic and cook more meals other than boxed mac n’ cheese and chicken nuggets for Dad. So why not start with me as her stand-in food critic? I mean, I am her son after all, and I pretty much eat anything, so if it’s bad, we’ll all know it’s really, really bad.

This entry I am getting in touch with my inner Gordon Ramsay and trying out some dog-friendly foods plated by my wannabe foodie human. So let’s get all “Top Chef” up in here!

Two paws up? Two paws down? Let’s find out if I will be throwing ma out of the kitchen.

The Taste Test: Just a bite to see if my tail will curl.

Appetizer:Baby Carrots with Peanut Butter

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Ugh. Eat my veggies? Why is THIS my appetizer? CARROTS? Who am I, Bugs Bunny?

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Mmmmm. What’s this sticky stuff? Going in for a nom-nom nosedive. OK, this creamy substance is delightful. These carrots, eh, I’ll eat around them. I would throw these jack-o-lantern fingers across the room Ramsay style, but I don’t have thumbs. Peanut butter bullseye for the win!

Scorecard:

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I attempted to eat the carrots, but every time I put them in my mouth I instinctually spit them out. Just dreadful. You should be embarrassed, Ma. You did save yourself with the creamy peanut butter, but that talent was left to the jar.

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OK, I know I have a smush face, but I couldn’t smell a thing! Yes, hint of peanut butter in the air, but nothing groundbreaking. It smelled like my two-day old Kong filled with leftover remnants. Not that special, but I still ate it.

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What’s this plated look? Is this a sun? A flower? You’re not fooling me; I know this is a vegetable!

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1 paw up. Raise the Rooo-uffff for peanut butter!

Onto my next plated sample…

Main Course: Chicken, Sweet Potato, and Green Beans

Oh…my…sweet goodness. Hello, sweet potato! Cooked to perfection and spud-tastic. Green beans are OK, kind of bland, unlike this juicy chicken. I could eat this all day, every day.

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Scorecard:

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Savory, tender, juicy chicken. Need I say more? Are you sure this wasn’t made at the store? I’ve seen Dad eat your chicken and he drinks A LOT of water. Is the Sahara Desert dry or something? That’s what I usually hear him mumble to himself…

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Oh boy, the smell was just heaven on Earth. Knowing her cooking in the past, I definitely made sure to smell this thoroughly to be sure this was indeed cooked. Thankfully, no potent smell, just fresh goodness. The sweet potato aroma sent chills up my spine. Now this is something orange I’ll eat, not a blah carrot!

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Much better. No fancy schmancy plating, just all of the food close together so my snout can have easy access. There could have been some fun dots around the plate with gravy, like what I once saw Mario Batali do on his show. But Puggers can’t be choosers.

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2 paws up and a few tail wags!

And onto the finale…

Dessert: Banana and Yogurt. (Mom tried plating this gourmet style with a garnish smear, epic fail. SMH.)

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Oh yes. There is ALWAYS room for dessert! However, my annoying little sister Finley wanted to share dessert with me. MOVE, SIS!

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I got this!

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Sibling teamwork in full effect!

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Scorecard:

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You know the feeling when you see John Stamos in those greek yogurt commercials? First, surprise (“Oh, Uncle Jesse is in a greek yogurt commercial?”), then interested (“That doesn’t look that bad…”), and finally, hungry (“Must grab spoon and partake!”). That’s how I felt when I saw this dish. Surprised, interested, and hungry! Move over, Stamos! I’m the leading man of this yogurt scenario. (Even though Finley would disagree…)

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And the cherry on top of all of this was not in fact a cherry, but a delicious banana! Mushy, in a good way… like my face.

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Cue Gwen Stefani. B-A-N-A-N-A-S this sh%@!t is B-A-N-A-N-A-S. I can’t spell, so I hope that says bananas. But the smell of this savory fruit filled my nostrils with glee. Cheers to a healthy dose of pug-tassium.

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That yogurt smear — I just can’t. I see chefs do this with sauces on TV, but yogurt? That smear looks like, OK well, I just ate it and I won’t go there, but the pooper scooper would agree.

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We give this one… 4 paws up!

Good try. Ma. I think Dad is a little pickier when it comes to food than me. Stick to take-out. Practice makes perfect, so rest assured you can keep practicing on me.

Until my next entry!

Pugs n’ Licks,

Otis (…& Finley)

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