Humor

An Open Letter To Chocolate, From Your Dog

An Open Letter To Chocolate, From Your Dog

Hello Chocolate,

It’s me. Dog.
You should know up front, that when I see something I want, I get it.

Bone from a T-Bone steak? GOT IT.
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Fatty parts from a chicken? DONE.

KFC dog

Stack of cookies? YOU KNOW I GOT THAT.

cookie dog

And you, Chocolate, are something I want. But you are also something I can never have and it DRIVES…ME…WILD! You play hard to get and you play it well. I really, truly, cannot stop thinking about you.

I think about you in ways I shouldn’t think about you. Dirty ways. Delicious ways.
Sometimes, I just imagine you melting in my mouth. Slowly.

Dog Dreaming

I guess I’m just romantic like that.

I know we shouldn’t be together because you will make me die and/or poop funny. It’s like we’re a modern day Romeo & Juliet; nobody wants us to be together, yet we are inexplicably drawn to one another.

romeo and juliet

Don’t deny it, Chocolate. I see you watching me From your pedestal on the kitchen counter.

It pains me that we can’t be together, Chocolate.

sad pug

I long to taste you.
Once, I licked you when my human wasn’t looking, but my human yelled so much when he caught me, that I peed a little …and I’ve never tried to touch you again.

sad-eyes-dog

You confuse me, Chocolate.

I feel like you’re sending me mixed signals.

Chocolate bunny,  you are especially perplexing. I should be able to eat you, and yet …I can’t.

chocolate bunny dog

Why do you torment me, Chocolate?!

I’m a good dog! I do the tricks the humans want me to. I poop outside even though I really want to be pooping inside. I practice self control.
But with you, Chocolate, I lose all control. You’re the only one that has that kind of effect on me.

excite

Well, you and car rides, but I digress.

car
As I was saying, we will be together one day, Chocolate.

dog chocolate bedThere will come a day when no one will tell us our love is wrong. And I will be there. To swoop you up and swallow you in two bites. Because, that’s true love.

Yours forever,

Dog

P.S. On second thought, I’ll just stick to peanut butter.

puke blur 2
Featured image via HuskyHerz/ Pixabay

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