It’s me. Dog.
You should know up front, that when I see something I want, I get it.
Bone from a T-Bone steak? GOT IT.
Fatty parts from a chicken? DONE.
Stack of cookies? YOU KNOW I GOT THAT.
And you, Chocolate, are something I want. But you are also something I can never have and it DRIVES…ME…WILD! You play hard to get and you play it well. I really, truly, cannot stop thinking about you.
I think about you in ways I shouldn’t think about you. Dirty ways. Delicious ways.
Sometimes, I just imagine you melting in my mouth. Slowly.
I guess I’m just romantic like that.
I know we shouldn’t be together because you will make me die and/or poop funny. It’s like we’re a modern day Romeo & Juliet; nobody wants us to be together, yet we are inexplicably drawn to one another.
Don’t deny it, Chocolate. I see you watching me From your pedestal on the kitchen counter.
It pains me that we can’t be together, Chocolate.
I long to taste you.
Once, I licked you when my human wasn’t looking, but my human yelled so much when he caught me, that I peed a little …and I’ve never tried to touch you again.
You confuse me, Chocolate.
I feel like you’re sending me mixed signals.
Chocolate bunny, you are especially perplexing. I should be able to eat you, and yet …I can’t.
Why do you torment me, Chocolate?!
I’m a good dog! I do the tricks the humans want me to. I poop outside even though I really want to be pooping inside. I practice self control.
But with you, Chocolate, I lose all control. You’re the only one that has that kind of effect on me.
Well, you and car rides, but I digress.
There will come a day when no one will tell us our love is wrong. And I will be there. To swoop you up and swallow you in two bites. Because, that’s true love.
P.S. On second thought, I’ll just stick to peanut butter.