Let’s face it: it’s a small dog world. All the cute outfits are made for tiny pups, most treats don’t come in jumbo sizes, and the chances of getting to live in a swanky apartment are slimmer if you’re in the Big Dogs Club.
Here are 16 problems only huge dogs understand.
1. My humans hide my treats and get upset when I can reach them anyway.
2. Tiny dogs get away with behavior I never could.
3. Nothing ever fits properly. Am I a Large or an XL?
4. You can’t ever get your entire body into a selfie. And the human won’t let you use his selfie stick.
5. The Clifford jokes. The dogdamn Clifford jokes.
6. Everyone wants to play rough when you just want to chill.
7. Humans never let me sit on their laps anymore.
8. Even old people laugh at me when I try to park my booty in a chair.
9. Everyone comes to you for hugs…
10. …but no one ever gives you a proper one. Weak hoomans.
11. There are never enough treats. And they’re usually too small.
12. People always call me a “big a** dog.”
13. An ice cream cone only lasts two licks.
14. You suffer the indignity of having your parts handled by a stranger because your parents outsource your baths instead of washing you in the sink like a small dog.
15. People run away when I run up to them.
16. You’re always one of two things for Halloween: Clifford or a sad lion.