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Here’s What Happened When I Chaperoned My Dog On Her First Romantic Blind Date

Here’s What Happened When I Chaperoned My Dog On Her First Romantic Blind Date

My floofy pooch Gilda is a princess and should be treated as such. She is beautiful, smart, very silly and kinda clumsy (but definitely clumsy in an approachable/relatable way). Two words that best sum up Gilly: RomCom Protagonist.

gil 7

She is not only my sweetheart, she is America’s sweetheart.

Which is why it blows my mind that Gilda has been single for the entire time I’ve known her. As I thought about it more, I asked myself: Am I the reason my dog isn’t in the dating game? Sure, I’ve scheduled her several playdates… but I’ve never once set her up on a blind romantic date. Until now.

Enter Charlie:

 

charlie's tinder prof pic

Charlie is a friend’s pup whom Gilda had never met. I thought they might hit it off because they have a ton in common: they’re around the same age, are extremely attractive, and spend most of their time smiling. When I showed Gilda Charlie’s photo she swiped right immediately.

tinder swipe

WOWIE SHE IS SO INTO IT AND I AM IN NO WAY MAKING HER DO ANY OF THESE THINGS!!!!!

Gilda decided to buck stereotypical gender roles by picking Charlie up for their date.

picking char up for date

Charlie does a cute little excited dance upon seeing Gilda for the first time.

As they walked to the car, Charlie hung back a bit as to not seem too desperate. (He was worried he had come on too strong with his excited dance.) But Gilda doesn’t have time for games when it comes to dating, so she just kept right on walking.

walking to car 1 giphy

When Charlie’s moody moment didn’t garner a response from Gilda he shaped up and they continued their trek towards the car.

To make up for his standoffish-ness, Charlie pulled out the grandest of romantic gestures:

final poop vid

To dogs, poop is the pinnacle of romance.

Now things were cooking on this date! As the duo continued on their way, Charlie stole a kiss. Bold!

stolen kisses

Check out Gil’s reaction to camera. She was DEFINITELY into it.

Charlie couldn’t open the door for Gilda because he doesn’t have thumbs, nor would he be tall enough to even if he did. But they did snuggle up to one another in the backseat of my Toyota Corolla. Who knows what would’ve happened if I wasn’t there to chaperone. 😉

Hmm... Is love in the air? Check out those doofy smiles!

Hmm… Is love in the air? Check out those doofy smiles!

Once they arrived at the restaurant they were seated outside on the sidewalk. They had a look at the menu…

They decided to split the 2015 Beef Hide Bone.

…and decided to split the 2015 Beef Hide Bone.

But here’s where the date started to sour. Instead of having a real cute Lady and the Tramp spaghetti moment…

lady and tramp

…when the bone came, Charlie selfishly hoarded it all to himself and left Gilda with nothing to eat.

doesnt share bone

He moved as far away from his date as possible to gobble in shame.

It was like that episode of Friends where Joey refuses to share food with his date, but this was worse because Charlie hid under the table like a selfish little coward in order to avoid Gilda’s famished, stunned gaze.

JOEY. DOESN'T. SHARE. FOOD.

JOEY. DOESN’T. SHARE. FOOD. (And neither does Charlie.)

From there things just got worse. When the check came, Charlie LITERALLY ran away scared.

charlie scared of check

When he saw the total he really hightailed it outta there.

Which left Gilda footing pawing the bill for an expensive bone she didn’t even get to try. Needless to say, she wasn’t too pleased.

"That little twerp didn't even offer to go Dutch!"

A waiter saw the whole thing and felt sorry for Gilda so he hid a small after-dinner milkbone with the check.

From there, Charlie wanted to drive up to make out point, a little place his Schnauzer friend recommended. But Gilda told him she was tired and had a lot of work to do (work consisting of lounging in her bed while her mom watches Netflix). She was ready for the date to be over. 

A normally very mature Gilda let her passive-aggressive side show by taking up the whole backseat of the Corolla and relegating Charlie to a sort of "time out" spot in the corner.

A normally very mature Gilda let her passive-aggressive side show by taking up the whole backseat of the Corolla and relegating Charlie to a sort of “time out” position in the corner.

Charlie was nice enough to walk Gilda to her door, but there was no saving the date at this point, and they both knew it. Charlie scampered away without so much as attempting a goodnight smooch.

Look how fast he gets out of there.

Look how fast he gets out of there.

All in all, even though the date wasn’t a romantic success, I think it was successful in other ways:

1) Gilda and Charlie probably won’t get dog-married, but I do think they will build a strong, lasting friendship out of this ordeal.

2) This forced Gilda to put herself out there and start dating. She’s already got three more first dates lined up for later this week. Thanks, Tinder 4 Dawgs!

3) I got to spend a day with two very cute dogs, and that was very fun for me!

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