The reason I love the dingus so much is because I am one of the most awkward people you will ever meet. From the moment I wake up, to the moment I go to sleep at night, I have one goal: avoid awkwardness. Spoiler alert, IT DOESN’T WORK.
My fear of awkwardness then perpetuates the awkwardness because awkwardness is like an ingrown hair. If you try to get rid of it, it just comes back to haunt you. What I’m saying is, if I had to pick one face or emotion to encapsulate how I feel 90% of the time, it would be the face of @bertiebarks.
Scrolling through this dog’s Instagram account was like a blast from my very awkward past and, let’s be honest, most likely a preview into my future.
Here are 15 times this dog was all of our spirit animals.
1. When you run into an acquaintance on a train and you’ve already made eye contact so you can’t just slink on your headphones and hide and you don’t have your talking points ready and ugh why are conversations so stressful.
2. When you invite your date back to your apartment and you forget to hide your self-help books so now they know your current read is Single, Shy, & Looking For Love.
3. When you say “How are you?” and someone says “I’m good, you?” and you say “Good! You?” and you’re like, “Sorry I don’t know how human interaction works.”
4. When someone is crying in the elevator and you want to ask if they’re OK, but obviously they are not OK, and by the time they tell you you’ll probably be at your floor, so you just stare at your phone pretending you are a robot void of the ability to feel human emotions.
5. When you call someone’s name twice and they don’t hear you and you’re like, “Please hear me this time; my self-esteem is on the line.”
6. When you about to blow up the bathroom at a party but you know all the people waiting in line, so you actually have the thought, “Is there a window I can climb out of?”
7. When you walk in on grandma getting dressed and you wish there was a rewind button for life.
8. When you try on a unicorn for fun but then you can’t get out cause you don’t have hands.
9.When you show up at a party before your friends and you know you could just walk up to people and introduce yourself, but you’ll probably just open up Facebook and like some statuses to kill the time.
10. When you introduce yourself to someone and they respond with “We’ve met!”
11. When your friend calls and says they’re in the neighborhood but you’re not mentally prepared for company.
12. When someone is taking too long to take a picture and you start overthinking how smiling naturally works.
13. When you’re telling a really personal story in a crowded room and all of the sudden it goes totally silent.
14. When you get caught humping a pillow and you’re like “OK what had happened was…”
15. My reaction when someone says, “Things are only awkward if you make it awkward.” LOLZ.