Does that sign say “No dogs allowed?” NO PROBLEM! Wherever your weird, little life takes you, bring your pup along in one of these fail-proof disguises!
1.Your Uncle Greg
Everyone will probably be grossed out when your uncle licks your face and sits in your lap, but he’s still less pervy than your Uncle Jeff!
2. Your prom date
He’s embarrassingly shorter than you are in your heels, but your parents will be so happy you’re actually going and not sitting in your room listening to Evanescence like every other Saturday.
3. The hottest DJ at Coachella
Move over, Calvin Harris! This DJ scratches records AND himself at the same time… but not because of fleas or anything because he’s definitely not a dog.
4. Your new boyfriend
He’s not Mr. Right, but he’s Mr. Right Now and that’s okay because you’re not looking for anything serious right now and he just wants to BONE! Oh no… I immediately regret that joke. Can you please forget I ever wrote that? Gross.
5. Your new baby
You’ll get lots of attention for being a new mom, but you don’t have to pump breast milk or do prenatal yoga or touch human babies or any of that yucky “real mom” stuff!
6. Your dog carrier
It’s definitely not a dog, it’s just the cool high-tech bag you use to carry your… other dogs. Um. I didn’t think this one through.
7. A healthy snack for later
It’s super healthy to keep your blood sugar steady throughout the day… just don’t try to sneak him into a movie theater because he WILL be confiscated.
8. A hard-boiled detective
If anyone asks why he’s drooling so much, just say, “HEY! We’ll ask the questions here, ya low-life.” And then you’ll both drink whiskey in the middle of the day with your feet on a desk.
9. A sailor who’s just here on leave for one night and is looking for a little New York excitement
Don’t let any young women near him when he’s dressed like this. You don’t know where they’ve been.
10. A sweet old grandma
Con: You’ll have to give her your seat on the subway. Pro: You can still blame her for your farts!
11. Your hungover bestie
Okay, Hostess, I know there’s a wait for brunch, but she, like, REALLY needs it right now, okay? The struggle is, like, so real right now, you know?
Oh no. Where is he? Oh no…
13. A doctor
Great for when you need to “allegedly” sneak into a hospital to “allegedly” steal medical records, which I “allegedly” know nothing about because I’ve “allegedly” never done that.
14. Doctor Who
So when a security guard inevitably catches you sneaking around the medical records room, you can say that it’s important in your battle with the Daleks and that Earth’s future depends on it, and when it turns out the security guard isn’t a nerd and has no idea what you’re talking about you should run very fast… allegedly? Is that how you use it? I’m actually not sure.
15. A Cop
Okay, that doctor thing was probably illegal, but this is DEFINITELY illegal. So DON’T make your dog impersonate a police officer so you can get away with stuff. Don’t. (I’m winking right now) Don’t! (still winking)
Featured image via @gabrielleinla