Humor

15 Conversations All Dog Dads Have With Their Pups…In Their Heads

15 Conversations All Dog Dads Have With Their Pups…In Their Heads

No two pup parents are the same, and that rule applies to Dog Dads as well … except for one thing: talking. Pretend all you want, but we know that whether you’re the athletic type, a couch potato or a total love bug, all Dog Dads talk to their pups about everything (and anything) under the sun. They are man’s best friend, after all!

1. Like Father, Like Doghter
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Dog: Dad, you’re so pawesome.
Dog Dad: Thanks, Buddy! What makes you say that?
Dog: You make the coolest faces.
Dog Dad: Well, thanks! Wanna try one together?
Dog Dad + Dog: ….

2. Not During the Puppy Bowl, Steve.
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Dog Dad: Rufus…
Dog: Not now.
Dog Dad: But… Rufus? Ruuuuufuussssss?
Dog: Fine. This better be good, Steve. I mean, I got my paw on my balls, the Puppy Bowl is on…
Dog Dad: Okay, okay. I just want to take a quick pic of you to post on Instagram.
Dog: Wha..? Really? That’s it?!
Dog Dad: Yep!
Dog: You need a girlfriend, Steve.

3. For the Ladies
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Dog: Not again. Can you put me down, please? My breed wasn’t bred to like mornings.
Dog Dad: But I’m helping us meet women!
Dog: You mean helping YOURSELF. I have no problem walking up to a nice girl.
Dog Dad: You’d walk up to a rusty old hydrant if it smelled like pee.
Dog: That’s besides the point. I am not an accessory.
Dog Dad: C’mon, girls love fashion and they love dogs. Do it for me?
Dog: Fine. But you owe me a Puppuccino.

4. I did it!

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Dog Dad: Today is awesome! It’s Friday, there’s pizza, and I’m with my best friend. High five, buddy!
Dog: I AGREE, DAD! HIGH FIVE!
Dog Dad: Wait, are you giving me a high five or just sniffing my fingers?
Dog: A high five! *sniff sniff* 
Dog Dad: Hey, don’t chew on my fingers!
Dog: I HAVE THE TASTE.

5. Downward Dog
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Dog Dad: What do you think of my yoga pose, guys?
Dogs: What’s it called?
Dog Dad: Downward dog.
Dogs: Ha, good try Steve. But let us show you how it’s really done.

6. I’m Sorry, But No.
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Dog: No
Dog Dad: C’mon…
Dog: Absolutely not.
Dog Dad: It’s just one picture. C’mon, for me?
Dog: What is she doing here?
Dog Dad: If you take this picture, I’ll give you a treat.
Dog: … It better be a big one.

7. It Looked Shorter, I Swear!
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Dog Dad: Don’t do it.
Dog: Why? It’s so fluffy and white!
Dog Dad: I don’t want to have to go in there and fish you out.
Dog: You won’t have to. Just let me go out for one minute.
Dog Dad: I don’t kn…
*Dog Jumps In Snow*
Dog: Dad?

Dog Dad: …Yes?
Dog: Halp.

8. Dude…
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Dog: So what’s this show called again?
Dog Dad: Keeping Up With The Kardashians.
Dog: And what is it about?
Dog Dad: Nothing and family drama. But mostly nothing.
Dog: And why are we watching it?
Dog Dad: Because the remote control is all the way over there.
Dad: Dad?
Dog Dad: Yes, son?
Dog: I’m scared.
Dog Dad: Me too, son. Me too.

9. I’m Watching You
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Dog: What are you doing in there?
Dog Dad: Pooping. Get out.
Dog: Can I come in with you?
Dog Dad: No.
Dog: Why not, I let you watch me when I poop…
Dog Dad: I clean up after myself, so I don’t need you watching me.
Dog: You really don’t appreciate what I do for you, do you?
Dog Dad: Please, can’t we talk about this later?
Dog: … No.

10. Oh, No Reason…
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Dog: Dad, why are you laughing?
Dog Dad: No reason.
Dog: Dad, why can’t I see you?
Dog Dad: Don’t worry about it.
Dog: That stupid hat is on me again, isn’t it?
Dog Dad: No. No, of course not! Why would you suspect that?
Dog: …You’re so dead.

11. I Warned You…
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Dog: Let me come in.
Dog Dad: No, you’ll hate it.
Dog: Just let me in. I miss you whenever you go in there!
Dog Dad: The second I let you in you’re going to want out.
Dog: No I won’t. Try me.
*Closes Shower Door*
Dog: OUT. OUT. LET ME OUT.

12. You Know I Can See You… Right?
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Dog Dad: It’s going to be fine. Get out from under the bed.
Dog: No! The cat will find me if I leave.
Dog Dad: She’s going to find you if you stay?
Dog: No, I’m hiding. She’ll never see me if I stay here.
Dog Dad: Then how do you think I found you?
Dog: ….
Dog Dad: I just blew your mind, didn’t I?
Dog: I think I just crossed into the matrix.

13. That’s Not A Chair.
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Dog: Dad, I love this chair you got! Now I understand why you’re always sitting on it.
Dog Dad: C’mon pup, that is definitely not a chair.
Dog: No way, Jose. You’ve kept this comfy kingdom a secret for quite a while, and now it’s time to share.

14. It’s Because I Love You…
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Dog: Dad, I’m sorry I ate your wallet.
Dog Dad: I forgive you, but why do you keep eating all my stuff?
Dog: … because I miss you.
Dog Dad: I know, Remo. I love you, Buddy, but man am I glad I hid my shoes.
Dog: I love you too, Dad. So… hypothetically, where would you hide those shoes, anyway?
Dog Dad: *Face Palm*
Dog: I must know for, uh, research.

15. When It’s Just You And Your Dog

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Dog: Whoa, dad! Did you see that?!
Dog Dad: No, what it is? Is it a squirrel? The mailman?
Dog: Nope, false alarm. It was just your love life.
Dog Dad: Uh, whoa, that was really harsh. Why did you say that?
Dog: I didn’t. I’m a dog. I can’t talk, remember?
Dog Dad: Oh wow, you’re right. Huh, I guess I do need a girlfriend.
Dog: Touche.

Featured image via @lenskumar

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