Humans LOVE dogs. We love them so much that they show up in our language, sometimes in ways we don’t even understand. Every human state of being can be described via dogs, like this one: It’s so hot, I saw two trees fighting over a dog. I can’t speak for the trees, but the dog idioms aren’t always accurate. Here are 17 that dogs have disproven.
1.Happy as a tick on a fat dog.
You think I’m fat?? Sure, ok I take pleasure in a good bowl of kibble or 5, but human says there’s just more of me to love.
2. It’s a dog eat dog world.
The only things we eat are treats …and sometimes our own poo.
3. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.
Who you calling old? I was sniffing butts before you were sippin’ from yo’ mama. Boom! *mic drop* *Walks away on hind legs*
4. If you can’t run with the big dogs, stay on the porch.
We ALL stay on the porch.
5. Work like a dog.
This writer’s block is RUFF! …Nailed it.
6. You’re barking up the wrong tree.
Look, I go up the trees. It’s your job to get me down.
7. Sick as a dog.
The only thing I’m sick of is all these belly rubs! JK, LOL, YOLO, RSVP, WHAT ARE ACRONYMS. No, but seriously, keep the belly rubs comin’.
8. Every dog has it’s day.
That’s grammatically incorrect. It should be: Every day is dog’s day.
9. It’s raining cats and dogs.
We hate water, so why would we have ANYTHING to do with rain? If we could do away with all water that would be ideal. But leave toilet water, it’s done nothing wrong. Unless being delicious is a crime.
10. Fighting like cats and dogs.
Seriously, what’s with this human obsession of pairing us with cats? We’re FINE together. Who else is going to teach me how to lick myself? I don’t see any humans volunteering. Plus you guys are really bad at reaching all your areas. Just sayin’.
11. The tail wagging the dog.
Who this guy? Naw, I’m the boss of him.
12. Meaner than a junkyard dog.
You see junk, I see bed.
13. Hot Diggety Dog!
14. If you lie down with dogs, you’ll get up with fleas.
Suit yourself. More boat bed for me.
15. You’re in the doghouse.
Explain to me why this is a bad thing while I sit in my hot tub with my collector’s edition tennis ball signed by BOTH Williams sisters.
16. Dog days of summer
I worked hard for this bikini bod.This is MY day.
17. Let sleeping dogs lie.
Okay, this one is actually true.