Hey, we love our dogs. And I mean LOVE our dogs. And when you're caring for a living, breathing, pooping animal, it's not long before you enter an alternate reality where what's gross and what's normal all flows together like one matted ball of fur. Fur instance...
1. GIVING AND RECEIVING BIG SLOPPY KISSES. It's like you're getting the Spiderman kiss, if Peter Parker had rubbed his face in his own butt and then a few other butts first.
2. PICKING OUT EYE BOOGERS. Yes dog owners, this is okay. Just don't graduate to regular boogers.
3. GETTING THE POOP OUT OF THE BUTT YOURSELF. Cuz sometimes you just gotta reach right up there and take the matter into your own hands.
4. SHARING YOUR BED WITH A BIG, STINKY ANIMAL. OK, who wants to be little spoon and who wants to be big fuzzy scratchy farting spoon?
5. SENDING INAPPROPRIATE TEXTS ABOUT YOUR DOG'S HABITSBecause your dog's poop schedule must be known by everyone.
6. BRUSHING YOUR DOG'S TEETH. Who can resist that smile? Even if it smells like dumpster shrimp…
7. DRINKING OUT OF THE SAME CUP. We all drink from the same cup, here! We are brothers! Brothers in germs!
8. SECOND JOB: BUTT BARBER. When you gotta get those little poop nuggets and matted patches out of there. "What'll it be today, sir?" "Oh, just a little off the bottom."
9. WIPING SLOBBER LOVINGLY FROM THEIR MOUTHS. Who needs a tissue? God gave ya two tissues, pal. They're called HANDS.
10. LETTING YOUR DOG LICK YOUR FEET. I mean, this one isn't THAT bad. Am I right? …No?
11. TAKING BATHS TOGETHER. "We might as well do this at the same time, or else one of us is just gonna get the other dirty all over again."
12. USING THE SAME HAIR BRUSH. I don't need no beauty blog, I have myself a cutie dog.
13. CHECKING FOR FLEAS. "Okay pal, spread 'em wide and let's pick around in there." Some things, you really can only say to your dog.
14. LETTING YOUR DOG "PRE-WASH" YOUR DISHES. Drool: it's like water, without the filters!
15. SAMPLING THE MENU. If it ain't good enough for you, it ain't good enough for your bestie. That's just common sense!