Note: If you don’t like poop, don’t read this post. But if you don’t mind a little scatological humor about a fact of doge life, then read away!
The ways of dogs are strange and mysterious, doubly so when it comes to their plentiful bowel movements. For example – how in the world do they poop so clean? If only we could learn their secret.
But that’s another topic for another time. This post is all about the many weird and wondrous maneuvers that dogs employ while going number two. If you’ve been around dogs for a while – and picked up their poop countless times – you’ve no doubt seen them do some interesting things on the path toward laying waste.
So without further adieu, here are the 12 most impressive dog pooping techniques you’ll ever see:
1. The perpetual spin.
Poop already, for God’s sake!
2. The pointless pre-poop digging
You’re not even really digging. You’re clearly just scratching at the surface. It’s completely ineffective.
3. The poopy surprise.
Welp, that came out of nowhere.
4. The dangling poop-iciple.
It’s like the dangling participle but with dog poop instead of grammar.
5. The poopy protest.
“It’s time to take a stand against the tyranny of being forced to poop out in the rain.”
6. The scaredy poop.
This could happen to any of us.
7. The never-ending poop.
Just…just let me know when you’re done, I’ll be over here checking my email.
8. The old pee-poop fake-out.
“I’ll just lift my leg to go pee and…PSYCH! Here comes the poop.” Gets me every time.
9. The parkour poop.
When pooping the regular way is too boring for your canine adrenaline junkie.
10. The revenge poop.
Dogs have very few means of retribution. Pooping may very well be the most effective.
11. The now you see it, now you don’t poop.
It’s not that your dog likes eating his own poop, he’s just ashamed that something so awful came out of him and he wants to hide it from the world. This is why we need a dog version of the classic children’s book Everyone Poops.
12. The fecal photo bomb.
Sometimes your dog is so impressed by his/her own technique, he/she wants to immortalize it forever. Totally understandable.