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13 Ridiculous “Monsters” Dogs Would Cast In A Horror Film

13 Ridiculous “Monsters” Dogs Would Cast In A Horror Film

Everyone has their own fears. Some are more rational than others. Personally, I am terrified of pigeons. And bugs. OK, so pretty much anything with wings. Also, rejection. Sorry, too real?

My point is, who am I to judge a dog that’s scared of a can of Coke Zero? So in light of Howl-oween, here are some pawtential antagonists you might find in a horror movie, if dogs were the producers.

1. A PLASTIC BAG
First of all this is a teenie weenie dog, and to shorties like us (I’m 4’11 so I include myself), EVERYTHING is terrifying. This bag is flying on its own. It’s basically a ghost. A BAG OF GHOSTS. There it is. That’s the title.
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2. BALLOONS
When I see balloons I think, “Oh no. There’s going to be a party.” This is terrifying for any introvert (dog or hooman). Also, I can’t even imagine how loud a balloon popping is for a dog. So yes, a movie full of balloons is a scary movie indeed.
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3. TOY CARS
Um, AGAIN, this is an inanimate object moving ON ITS OWN. Don’t even act like Ghost Car would not sell out in theaters.
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4. THE VACUUM CLEANER
AKA the TERROR MACHINE. Pawhaps dogs aren’t as scared of the actual vacuum cleaner itself as they are of what’s inside of it. A scary movie starring a GIANT DUST BUNNY? I’d see that.
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5. WINNIE THE POOH
Hear me out. Sure, Winnie might be a bear who loves honey and hates pants, but the bottom line is, he’s still a BEAR. And last time I checked bears=terrifying.
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7. A GARDEN HOSE
Sure, it might look like an innocent garden hose at first glance.
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BUT it could also be a very, very skinny version of Anaconda. You know what’s scarier than an anacodona? An anaconda on a JUICE FAST.
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8. A CAN OF COKE ZERO
Coke Zero could totally be a horror movie about chemical weapons. LOOK OUT, IT’S ASPERTAME!!!
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9. A CELL PHONE
OK, honestly, it’s 2015. I won’t even act like this is not my exact reaction when my phone rings. So yes, a movie in which all of the characters are constantly getting phone calls WITHOUT WARNING TEXTS could totally be in the horror genre.
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10. A BATHROOM DINOSAUR
How would you like this to walk in on you when you’re trying to take a poo in peace?
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11. A DUCKLING
I know what you’re thinking: What could possibly be scary about this duckling? Well, do you remember “The Ugly Duckling?” Well, it got some work done, and now it wants revenge.
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12. BRIDAL MAGAZINES
Um, I don’t know if you’ve ever been stuck on a bridesmaid email chain, but it is a horror movie in itself. I do not blame this dog at all. This dog is completely justified.
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13. A FART
Tell me Silent But Deadly is not the best name for a horror movie you’ve ever heard. Farts that kill you. BOX OFFICE GOLD.
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