Note: BarkPost editorial does not condone the irresponsible consumption of alcohol to the point of dangerous, oh-sh*t-did-I-really-post-that-on-Facebook-I’m-friends-with-my-mom-inebriation at any point in time. But we do acknowledge that sometimes, these things just happen. And it’s frickin’ hilarious. #SorryNotSorry
The genius of our comedic trio of humor writers Zoe Costello, Katie Haller, and Will Storie know no bounds. If funny were the sea, they would be the dog heroically riding Flipper as All-Witty-Rulers-Of-The-Ocean.
*note: above metaphor a complete rip-off of the gif I just found and inserted below.
Anyhoo, we knew we were going to cover The National Dog Show, which is annually broadcast on Thanksgiving by NBC. The question was, how?
After a beer-driven brainstorm during happy hour, we came up with this brilliant idea:
The three of them would live tweet it. Drunk.
What? Enjoying yourself a leeetle too much while watching Thanksgiving network programming is a doggone American tradition.
Here, in mostly chronological order, is the off-the-cuff, 140-character stream-of-consciousness observations of The National Dog Show Presented By Purina from their buzzed, dog ruvin’ brains that hit the Interwebz a mere 120-minutes and counting ago. #YesThatWasARunOnSentence #ShutUpIWasAnEnglishMajor #ICanDoItWhenItsLikeAStatement
@itsdougthepug looks ready! #DrunkInShow pic.twitter.com/9eiHwJrDuP
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
Everybody in the back like "DON'T MESS UP MY DOG'S DO." #NationalDogShow #DrunkInShow pic.twitter.com/l4pbd4HZFu
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
Afghan starting off the show like: #DrunkInShow pic.twitter.com/56NrDT8F8z
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
"we'll be starting with the 'best dogs for modeling a turtleneck' group" #drunkinshow
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
I want to live inside Bongo's mouth and raise a family there #Bloodhound #DrunkInShow
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
We saw the whippet whip but we did not see it nae nae HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT TO THINK #DrunkInShow pic.twitter.com/257HpKIyeB
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
WHO'S LEG DO I HAVE TO HUMP TO GET TO HANG OUT WITH @JohnnyGWeir and @taralipinski !?!?! #DrunkInShow
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
WHY ARE THEY RUNNING IN SKIRT SUITS LIKE HAVE YOU HEARD OF YOGA PANTS EVEN #dogshow pic.twitter.com/0hWsZv7EyA
— Lisa Vikingstad (@LisaVikingstad) November 26, 2015
(ok, that was a re-tweet, but kudos for great curation).
These dogs are just, hands down, better looking than I am. #DrunkInShow
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
That dog is French and named Zack – it's like he wants me to be into him. #DrunkInShow
#Beauceron
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
shoulda used swiffer #dogthanking #drunkinshow pic.twitter.com/jB4OaWYwOP
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
Emma looks like she is straight out of the Von Trapp family from The Sound Of Music. #DogShow #DrunkInShow
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
Shout out to Uncle Jack who keeps pointing out every time you can see a dog's butthole. It's like omg I'm trying to do my job. #DrunkInShow
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
Working Group or Hardly Working, am I right? No in all seriousness they work very hard, #loveyoudogs #thankU #dogthanking #drunkinshow
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
The difference between a Bull Mastiff and Mastiff? One is full of bullshit. #ayOH #Boomstillgotit #DrunkInShow
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
"I am a working dog I will do your taxes also I'm EXCELLent at spreadsheets lolz get it guys?" #DogShow #DrunkInShow pic.twitter.com/ZqrdI5Kih3
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
RT if your dog is watching @TheNatlDogShow & freaking out like "MY FRIENDZ ARE STUCK IN A BOX GET THEM OUT!" #DogThanking #DrunkInShow
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
"SRSLY I WANT TO SNIFF THEIR BUTTS BUT THEY ARE IN THE BOX HALP" @TheNatlDogShow #DogThanking #DrunkInShow pic.twitter.com/ud2Z7R3Pzh
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
"Thank you, Ziggy. For always farting in my face when you get off the couch." #DogThanking #DrunkInShow @Purina pic.twitter.com/9milPXyZik
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
when your carpet came to life and now you're best friends and it's magic and congrats #drunkinshow #dogthanking pic.twitter.com/1mhew68JJ4
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
Are you ready dude? GET AMPED you're up dude, you got this #drunkinshow #nationaldogshow pic.twitter.com/IZsqUEYZOO
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
They're just gonna breeze by Best Mustache in the terrier category like it's NOTHING? #NationalDogShow #DrunkInShow pic.twitter.com/Cgv4VmhFbK
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
"Love what Sophie is doing with her facial hair."-Tom Selleck's mustache, probably #NationalDogShow #DrunkInShow pic.twitter.com/fKB6TtcE7e
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
help me obi wan, you're my only hope #drunkinshow #dogthanking #nationaldogshow pic.twitter.com/0q9BRWGRzV
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
My beer doggles are ON: the drunker I get the hotter these pups get. #DrunkInShow #NationalDogShow pic.twitter.com/8VqN3QhNNo
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
This is the opposite of a smooth chihuahua #Dingus #NationalDogShow #DrunkInShow pic.twitter.com/cU2C0MOmuO
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
how am I doing? am I good, am I good Mom? Can we go yet? @dogthanking #drunkinshow #nationaldogshow pic.twitter.com/LTNNxhP7Ka
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
We got a Japanese Chin in our pawffice and she is flexible AF #NationalDogShow #DrunkInShow #fitnessgoals pic.twitter.com/lZl5HNYKXc
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
The judges get so much more flirtatious with the toy group #NationalDogShow #DrunkInShow #rollingyourRs pic.twitter.com/WYzRHX1gnm
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
HEADS UP if you're watching in CENTRAL time, show just started. scroll back an hour for timely drunk tweets #drunkinshow #nationaldogshow
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
"What do you mean we're known for our attitude and not our size?" #NationalDogShow #DrunkInShow pic.twitter.com/MjIXZnMCTI
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
Prediction: his #pug is gonna SLAY the swimsuit portion of the #NationalDogShow #dogtreadmills pic.twitter.com/QkYbEP9ZFA
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
By "Sporting" & "Non-Sporting" do they mean "Athletic" & "Lazy AF" #NationalDogShow #DrunkInShow pic.twitter.com/YRHJ7PwAWo
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
Am I #DrunkInShow or did @JohnOHurley say that chi is the "happiest f*ck in the ring right now."? #NationalDogShow pic.twitter.com/eDxfnzIKX1
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
Dont worry, girl. My mum says I'm a Heavy Setter too. #DrunkInShow #NationalDogShow pic.twitter.com/sIhHrH6S2q
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
"What should we call this dog?" "What did they say the special was tonight? "Lagotto Romagnolo?" "PERFECT" #NationalDogShow #DrunkInShow
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
Lagotto Romagnolo? Truffle hunter? Drives a Lamborghini? That dog oozes 'rich AF' #NationalDogShow #DrunkInShow pic.twitter.com/Oxft2PJKsq
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
I WOULD STR8 UP TAKE A BULLET FOR ARCHIE #goldenretriever#NationalDogShow #DrunkInShow I WOULD LAY DOWN MY DUMB LIFE pic.twitter.com/XhIywyAKlE
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
Cool clique be like: #sportinggroup #jocks #NationalDogShow #DrunkInShow #popularkids pic.twitter.com/2j9dGUWFgP
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
"Yas I'm going for the broom in Beauty & The Beast plz thanks."-Cocker Spaniels #NationalDogShow #DrunkInShow pic.twitter.com/pWCJFj1oWZ
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
Mexican hairless is what I ask for when I get a bikini wax. Have I been doing this wrong? #DrunkInShow pic.twitter.com/9Dem9rFGgf
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
me right now, doing my job. #nationaldogshow #DrunkInShow pic.twitter.com/Ink8zUtsBb
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
when your aunt starts talking about hip hop #drunkinshow #nationaldogshow pic.twitter.com/5KiVEPduD8
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
"They have to have that tongue." #thatswhatshesaid #boomstillgotit #NationalDogShow #DrunkInShow #myapologies pic.twitter.com/uQEQiNvhAC
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
"WE DID IT SQUIRREL. LET'S GO NON-SPORT IN THE VIP ROOM"-This Frenchie #NationalDogShow #DrunkInShow pic.twitter.com/sLMJTcUATQ
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
"WE DID IT! WE DID IT! WTF WE DO?" #NationalDogShow #DrunkInShow pic.twitter.com/D16NQsjZ8U
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
Chelsea was in it to win it the whole time. #nationaldogshow #DrunkInShow #Hound pic.twitter.com/PPlXDqkdof
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
ANOTHER DOG NAMED ZACK. ALERT THERE ARE AT LEAST TWO ZACKS COMPETING AT THE #NationalDogShow #DrunkInShow #thisisnews
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
UGH if you need me I'll be in my ROOM, MOMMM #drunkinshow #nationaldogshow pic.twitter.com/TKtB2Deu1I
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
"Blonde. Wavy hair. My neck fits into my shoulders flawlessly"-This dog's Tinder bio #NationalDogShow #DrunkInShow pic.twitter.com/AbvsxEMl8G
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
"Did someone say smoooooooth chihuahua?" #NationalDogShow #DrunkInShow #holaladies pic.twitter.com/8S3pG2LY9k
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
Pantyhose are the real winner at this year's #NationalDogShow #DrunkInShow
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
CONTROVERSY 2 writers made a joke out of same dog please pick a winner so we know who has to buy dinner #drunkinshow pic.twitter.com/cuqQrMPQHj
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
When your too pretty to even have your paws touch the ground when you walk. #NationalDogShow #DrunkInShow pic.twitter.com/6FhoWT3cdu
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
THE SKYE TERRIER IS SPELLED WITH AN E. Also HE WON. #weknewthat #NationalDogShow #DrunkInShow #usrightnow pic.twitter.com/osAq2vC0a8
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
"Come on shake your body baby do the Corgi" When @GloriaEstefan swoops in after the #NationalDogShow #DrunkInShow pic.twitter.com/CHoh0BHqBi
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
And finally, our congratulatory and completely sober Facebook post to the winner, Charlie!
*Spoiler alert to those on the West Coast–STOP READING IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW. But if you do (or live on the East…
Posted by BarkPost on Thursday, November 26, 2015
All in all, it was a memorable time. Happy Turkey Day, pups! Now what are we gonna do for Westminster…
#HappyThanksgiving from BarkPost! You're all #DrunkInShow to us! pic.twitter.com/U5kztMG6Ym
— BarkPost (@BarkPost) November 26, 2015
