To your dog, you're a 24-hour Food Network channel.
Before coffee/ After coffee
"I was saving you from, uh, carbs. Yeah, that's it. Evil, delicious carbs."
"The things...the things I've seen. So much soap. Her hands...everywhere."
"BWAHAHA! Welcome to hell! I'm Cerberus, leader of...hey, stop petting me! No, hey, stop that. I'm the evil--no, not the belly. Stop rubbing that! Gosh darn it -- FEAR ME!"
When it's your birthday and you realize you still haven't finished your bucket list yet.
This poor dog is *forced* into soapy water, sometimes as often as once a month. With your donation...
Meet Satan Dog. Whenever you "pretend" to throw a ball, this guy waltzes into your nightmares.
Well what were they expecting purchasing Yahoo! stocks?
"Shh, shh...no tears, only dreams."
Arrive partially blind, leave looking SWAY.
The writer chooses to leave no commentary. Too many inappropriate joke opportunities...must fight it.
"Get a baby sister, they said. It'll be fun, they said."
Fat dog in little cooooooat, fat dog in little cooooooaat.
A picture of a dog standing next to a painting of his great-great grandfather, Sir Conelius McWoofington III, founder of the Short Line Railroad.