Valentine’s Day. You look over at your phone and see…one new message. Is it an ex girlfriend admitting maybe it’s time to give it one last shot? Nope. It’s your Mom. “I’ll be your Valentine!” Thanks Mom, I’m spoken for: your dog might not be single (it’s getting pretty serious with that handsome Boxer down the street,) but she can still be your date this Sunday! Here’s how you give your pooch a Valentine’s Day date fit for a dynabite
bitch er, female dog. Today, let’s say female dog.
8:15 AM Start with a good morning butt scratch! Tryin’ to really spice things up? Let her get a whiff of that hand. What? You think dogs are the only ones who think butts are a scratch and sniff?
8:30 AM Cook that pup a nice, healthy breakfast. You’re not eating alone if she’s with you! Is it creepy to wear the underwear your ex still hasn’t picked up? Yes! But will that stop you? Hopefully!
11:00 AM Apply a super thin layer of pasta sauce to your pants then go to the dog park! Dogs won’t be able to get enough of you and the single ladies will wonder who that CUTE boy in the red pants is.
1:00 PM Go to the park and throw the ol’ Frisbee around. Be sure to aim that sucker at all those happy picnicking couples!
2:30. Treat yourself – and your pup – at a local salon! Everyone finds clean nail-bed’s sexy, BRAH!
4:00 PM Go home for a quick nap. Your dog doesn’t care how loudly you snore!
7:00 PM Take your dog out to her favorite restaurant (aka ordering a pizza) because puppies and pizza go together like you and a fear of commitment.
9:00 PM While that Boxer down the street may have your pups heart, that don’t mean she can’t indulge in some canine-eye-candy! Let her feast those puppy peepers on her celebrity crush: Those smokin’ Direwolves on Game of Thrones.
10:00 PM Prank-call an Ex! Is that the mature thing to do? Debatable.
10:15 PM It’s all built up to this. You stare into each other’s eyes. A smooch feels imminent but you don’t want to assume. You decide to make a move…
10:16 PM Oh well… you could always spread peanut butter on your face!