Welcome to Bark After Dark, a series of hilarious but slightly unusual articles we post in the wee hours of the morning for you
weirdos night owls. Not for the faint of heart, weak of stomach, or low of humor. Enjoy!
In the midst of a tumultuous election season, the question of who will be the next president is ubiquitous. In RocketJump‘s “The Last Cat on Earth,” the answer is a dog named Mr. Wiggles. And let’s just say he’s not all that and a bag of Milkbones. Mr. Wiggles is a real bully stick and wages an all out war against the feline race.
Now I’m about as anti-cat as they come. I think that their bodies are disconcertingly cylindrical and I am suspicious of any fuzzy thing that will not let me rub its belly. It also does not help that I’m allergic. In other words, I am the ideal candidate to support a cat genocide. But I won’t do it…
I refuse to perpetuate the stereotype that cats and dogs can’t get along. It’s a pervasive myth that is about as destructive as an under-exercised puppy left alone for the first time. Just call me Cat “Everyone’s Favorite Cat” Stevens, because I think we all should be riding the peace train (clap clap). To be clear though, I am not above canvassing for dog president 2016. Just maybe not Mr. Wiggles.