Humor

15 Things To Never Say To A Dachshund

15 Things To Never Say To A Dachshund

Our dearest Doxies, we always mean well, but sometimes your incredible cuteness gets in the way of our consideration of your feelings. We will try to be better by recognizing that we know you’re sick of hearing these fifteen things.

1. “Hey! You look like a hot dog!”

7

And you look like an eggplant, but you don’t see me saying anything.

2. “OMG, you should be a hot dog for Halloween!”

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9
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…That’s original.

3. “Your legs are so short.”

5

So I’m not Blake Lively, sue me.

4. “How come it’s not spelled Doxund?”

13

To make your, and only your, life more difficult.

5. “Why is your hair so long?”
2
Must I justify every one of my stylistic choices?

6. “Aren’t you a yappy pup?”

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I’ll stop yapping when you do.

7. “Look at that waddle! Your walk is so funny!”

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I’m glad my existence amuses you.

8. “So you’re German, right?”

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Just as much as you are.

9. “No, you may not have this muffin.”

6

Silly human, I may have whatever I please.

10. “Let’s put on your harness.”
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Mmm, I’m going to go with nah.

11. “Your brain must be so little.”

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Yet, somehow, I actively decided to hate you.

12. “You won’t be able to keep up.”

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Watch me, slowpoke.

13. “Why aren’t you black and brown like a regular Doxie?”

1

I’ll be whatever color I damn well please.

14. “You’re untrainable.”

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Well that’s, like, your opinion, man.

15. “You must love wiener schnitzel. Get it? Cause you’re a wiener.”

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Ha ha. I laughed so hard I peed on you. Oops.

We truly are sorry, you silly sausages. Keep on being ultra adorable, and we will try to keep the hot dog jokes to a minimum.

Featured image via @sarah_vanderson

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