An Open Letter To That Noise Outside From Your Dog

An Open Letter To That Noise Outside From Your Dog

To That Noise Outside,

Hey! Hey! I hear you, Noise! Hey! You are there and I hear you! Hey!

Be aware, there is nowhere you can hide, Noise. If I can’t see what you are from looking out of one window, I will check another window. And if I can’t see what you are out of that window, I will stand on the couch. From the couch I can see all. And I will shout “Hey” at you until you reveal yourself!


Sometimes you are a low thump, and sometimes you are a high screech, and sometimes, sometimes, you are just the “wind.” At least that’s what you want the human’s to think. I know you are a monster, Noise. You are a human-eating monster and I will not let you eat my human! I am smarter than you! I can sit on command. I can fetch a ball. I can find the treat under the cup. You cannot outwit me.


Even if I haven’t heard you in awhile, I am always alert. The next time I hear you, I will shout and I will howl. My ears will stand at full attention. I will grumble. I will snort. I will run to the door to wait for you. Then, I will run to my human and let them know I have heard you. Oh yes, I have heard you. Next, I will run back to the door to wait for you. I will do this as many times as it takes. Eventually my human will open the door and mark my words, Noise, I will destroy you.

There you are again! Hey! …Hey!

You leave me no choice, Noise. I can out-noise you, Noise! Even if my human tells me to quiet down, I will not. Even if they tell me you are nothing, I will persist. I will make so much noise that I will be the noisiest noise that ever made noise, Noise!


To you, Noise, I am the danger. I am the one who barks.


P.S. Please don’t startle me again, it makes me pee a little.