There are dogs and then there are buttface dogs. Buttface dogs do what they want, when they want.
But why do buttface dogs engage in buttface-ry? No one really knows. Undeterred, we studied this important question extensively, and discovered several possible reasons for their buttface-dom:
Author’s Note: This article employs the term “buttface” as a verb, although “buttface” can also be used as a noun, adjective or interjection. As in, “Oh, buttface! I forgot poop bags for my buttface dog. He’s definitely going to buttface me on this walk.”
1. Because if they don’t buttface, someone else will!
2. Because to be honest, your dirty underwear tastes soooo gooood!
3. Because f—ing with you is really, really fun!
4. Because they’re their own dog!
5. Because payback is a b-tch!
Maybe you dress your dog up against their will. Or you deny them dog treats when they beg nicely. Or you prank them, record the prank, publish the prank on the Internet, and invite the world and all of posterity to laugh at them until the end of days. (Hey, we’ve all done it.) Whatever it is, there’s more than one bad dog in your house. A buttface dog knows this, and thus exacts its sweet revenge with delicious glee and zero remorse.
6. Because they’re buttface dogs!
That’s some classic bulletproof buttface logic right there. A buttface dog is, by definition, a buttface. It will therefore buttface. And you know what? Maybe that’s all we need to know.