Oh, Regal Beagles. With your big, floppy ears and that one-of-a-kind croon, you’re kind of caricatures of yourselves at times. But we get it–you’re individuals too, which is why we’re going to try our darndest to stop saying the following 15 things in your presence. No promises about what we say when we’re out of earshot, though (if that’s even possible)!
1. “Do you smell that?”
Dude, I whiffed that burrito fart before you even left for Chipotle.
2. “Inside voices, please!”
I thought you’d never ask.
3. “Whaddasay we skip fetch today?”
Ya, sure. Then later you can skip that glass of wine.
4. “You sure you don’t wanna skip fetch?”
K, fine. I call living room sofa, right arm, direct sunlight. Forever. No swapsies. No changies.
5. “Pups don’t make passes at lasses who wear glasses.”
If we don’t make eye contact it’s like this never happened.
6. “You’re gonna have SO much fun at Grandma and Grandpa’s!”
I don’t know what I’m more excited for, putting on grandma’s doll clothes or fetching grandpa’s teeth.
7. “Your ears are too big for your body!”
Whaddayamean? They’re the same size as my personality!
8. “That’s a funny looking birthmark…”
Huh? Do I have something on my face?
9. “Kids are not to be trusted.”
I don’t know, man. This kid kinda gets me.
10. “Those puppy eyes won’t get you everything around here.”
Because that’s a lie. And you can’t lie to this face.
11. “Mondays suck.”
Uh, not for me it’s not. Enjoy the office, loser.
12. “Never bite off more than you can chew.”
I say go big or go home!
13. “Bieber Fever has gone cold.”
In the words of The Biebs himself, “What do you mean?”
14. “This is an adults only conversation.”
Perfect. How can I help?
15. “All you beagles look the same.”
Uh, our tongues literally could not be more different.
Featured image via @dynastiaoficial/Instagram