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"I actually learned English six years ago, I just pretend to bark purely for entertainment"
"I fart on your pillow... way more often than you realize"
"Remember that time you blamed the cat for breaking your vase? About that..."
"I hate these slippers"
Source: @its_kanga_roo
"We silently judge you every time you text him back. EVERY.TIME!"
Source: @nochethefierce
"We run a mini smuggling empire out of the dog park, it's why we really want to go all the time"
"You are terrible at fetch."
"I hate humanity."
"I really prefer stouts" #WhatIsThisIPA
Source: @valeriemarlene
"This isn't mud"
Source: @annaelias80
"I actually prefer creamy... THE SERVICE AROUND HERE IS AWFUL"
Source: @kirstijk
"We essentially live on this while you're gone"
Source: @bks3
"This shoe was ugly anyways"
Source: @theivydiary
"You actually did look kind of fat in those jeans"
Source: @bonnie_648
"We still laugh about that time we ate your birthday cake"
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Humor

15 Secrets Dogs Will Never, EVER Tell You

Dogs have a lot of secrets. I mean think about it, how sure are we that they’re really sleeping while we sleep? That’s a good eight or so hours when they’re possibly secretly running the world. Fortunately, we put our mind reading skills to use and found out these puppers’ deepest, darkest secrets.

Featured image via @tarakorber

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