There are good dogs and there are bad dogs. And when you’re a bad dog, you need to be disciplined. But some dogs just never learn.
1. Drama At The Dog Park
Crimes: Disturbing the peace at the dog park.
Sentence: Time out, 15 minutes, no less.
2. The Roads Are Not Safe
Crimes: Driving without a license, Driving as a dog, Underage driving, Speeding (60 mph in a 35 mph zone).
Sentence: Suspended license.
3. An Attempted Escape
Crimes: Resisting Arrest, Fleeing Legal Custody.
Sentence: Extended sentence in Crate by 10 minutes, no chance of early release.
4. Caught Red-Handed… With Red Gift Wrapping No Less
Crime: Disorderly conduct.
Sentence: No more (wrapped) gifts. Obviously the dog will still get gifts. We’re not monsters.
5. Come On, Dog
Crime: Indecent exposure.
Sentence: You can’t really punish a dog for this, so… I don’t know.
6. Caught In The Act
Crime: Public indecency.
Sentence: Restricted beach access for three days.
7. All It Takes Is A Lift Of A Leg
Crime: Public urination.
Sentence: Lots of confusing yelling. Weird-looking flowers later this spring.
8. A Cut-And-Dry Case
Crime: Public Defecation, Illegal dumping.
Sentence: More walks.
Crime: Loitering near dinner table, Theft.
Sentence: Confined to Crate for 30 minutes (just until dinner is over, relax).
10. A Repeat Offender
Crime: Dumpster diving, Trespassing on private property.
Sentence: Subjected to covered trash cans.
11. He Seemed Like A Good Dog
Crime: Destruction of property.
Sentence: No couch time for a week. (Basically once we get a new couch.)
12. An Entire Family, Humiliated In An Instant
Sentence: No more picnics. Also, no more photos.
13. Never Trust Your Accountant
Crime: Fraud, Tax Evasion.
Sentence: Stripped of CPA certification, Barred from practicing in the state of New York.
14. Intent To Commit A Crime Is Still A Crime (especially in Minority Report)
Crimes: Lewd conduct.
Sentence: Park privileges revoked for one week.
Crime: Defacement of dress-up accessories.
Sentence: No more dress-up. Ironically, this punishment most likely benefits the dog.
Huh. Apparently crime does pay. Sometimes.