Hate doing taxes? Don’t we all! Here’s an innovative AND FUN way to get around that… just train your dog to do your taxes!
First, you should ideally check that your dog has a job at a respectable accounting firm, just to make sure she’s on the up-and-up. Also, it would be nice to not be the only one here bringin’ home the Beggin’ Strips, you know? Treats don’t grow on trees, people!
If your dog doesn’t have a job as an accountant, it’s probably because her resume isn’t doing her justice. Is it formatted properly? Is it up-to-date? The smallest details can make a big difference! And no matter what she says, rolling it in the grass so it gets the “fertilized smell of success” only works in movies.
Does your dog not have any experience or skills to put on his resume? Then you’re gonna need to send her to business school so she can become an accredited CPA. I know, I know, she likes to be think of herself as a “free spirit” and “out-of-the-Bark-Box” thinker who would never fit in with the white-collar frat crowd, but getting her credentials is the only way for her to earn top dollar in this competitive industry.
Of course, before she can go to business school she’s probably going to need her GED, since she dropped out of high school to pursue her modeling career and now she won’t shut up about that one time she walked a runway even though we all secretly know it was just a charity event.
There’s a small but scary chance that your dog has gotten this far in life just relying on her charm and puppy-dog eyes and she’s actually hiding a burning secret: SHE CAN’T READ! If this happens, show her a few episodes of My So-Called Life so she can take comfort in Jordan Catalano going through the same thing. Also, Jared Leto was totally drool-worthy AMIRITE LADIES?
Are you still watching My So-Called Life? Knock it off! There’s no time for sweet ‘90s nostalgia when you’ve got to teach your dog to read! Good thing numbers aren’t a problem for her – she’s got plenty of real-life experience!
What? She won’t sit still for this? For the love of Beethoven, did you not teach your dog to sit and stay?
You’ve got a long road ahead of you, buddy. Long… but worthwhile. When April 18th comes around and your taxes have been thrown and fetched and walked and fed, you’ll be darn happy you had your best friend’s help. Now go spend that rebate on treats, dammit!