Ahh, Valentine’s Day. The only day of the year where shaming single people is treated like a national sport. But the best thing about this corporate sponsored holiday? It’s an excuse to chill out, eat candy, and curl up with our real Valentine — our dog. Duh.
1. If you’re single, Valentine’s Day is a lot like Christmas, except sadder.
2. And there’s nothing sadder than being the third wheel on Valentine’s Day.
3. Friend: “What are your plans for Valentine’s Day?”
You: “Me and bae have a reservation at Red Lobster.”
4. And even later:
5. And you’ve tried dating sites, but things didn’t work how you imagined.
6. Your therapist said you should focus more on self-love, but after dropping the mirror on your face one day, you decided you weren’t about that life.
7. But why waste time on finding love when your true love is staring at you in the face or, uh, humping your leg?
8. And unlike your Tinder date, this Pug won’t “forget” his wallet on your first date.
9. “Damn, we look cute. Post that on Instagram. What did I tell you about using Valencia?” — This dog
10. “Cry all you want, human. Years of evolution has formulated by fur to be absorbent of human tears.”
11. Before entering heaven, Jesus descends from the clouds on a golden dragon and hands you this:
12. You: “I’m baking treats for my honey this evening.”
Friend: “Your honey? You never told me you had a husband.”
You: “I don’t.”
13. You and your dog are the perfect match, and for Valentine’s Day, you both have the whole day planned out. Backing out of these plans would be rude.
14. I mean, just look at these two suitors. You can’t leave them hanging. They brought presents, dammit! Presents!
15. But you suppose it is time you got a human Valentine. Sigh.
16. But dating’s hard. It’s almost as hard as blowdrying a Pug.
17. But fortunately for you, your prospective (human) suitor has found the way to your heart.
18. And even your dog is helping you out with this one.
19. Those first few dates might be weird at first…
20. …but it all pays off in the end.
21. But relationship or not, your dog will always be your Valentine. *cue sappy music*