If there are two things in this world that I know about, it’s being single, and dogs. If you’re anything like me, you are an introvert who loves the comfort of home and dogs and not having to interact with humans.
Here are some tips that may or may not come from lessons I have learned the hard way.
1. Actually go on dates.
I know what you’re thinking. DOY. But hear me out. When you love your dogs, it’s very difficult to motivate yourself to actually put on pants and leave the house. Especially to go spend three hours with a stranger?!
Seriously, have a friend that will force you to go on dates. Tell them to call you before the date and say something like “Stop finding reasons to cancel. I’m coming over and your dog will be fine. Go out and interact with a human.”
2. Plan ahead.
One of the things about being a dog parent is learning to plan ahead. But one of the things about dating is that sometimes the spontaneity of it is the exciting part. Nothing worse than being on a great date, but also being totally distracted because you’re picturing your dog sitting there like:
If you’re going to be spending the night out or coming home later than you thought you would because you’ve been swept away by the hooman of your dreams, make sure you can actually be present and not worried about your pup.
3. If you’re on a dating app/website and the person doesn’t have a minimum of one dog picture in their profile, MOVE ALONG.
As you can see here, the image on the left is correct. The image on the right, not so much. Nothing against fish. Just saying, if that’s what you’re looking for, I’m sure there is an article somewhere on the internet called “13 Dating Tips For Single Fish People”.
4. If you meet IRL, find out whether they are a dog person early on in the conversation.
First of all, might I just say, if you DO meet IRL, congratulations. Second of all, it’s best to get to the important stuff right up top.
5. Brush up on topics OTHER than dogs.
I know that kind of seems contradictory to the previous tip, but it’s one thing to make sure you’re on a date with a dog lover. It’s another to come across like that is the only thing you talk about. This is a big one for me, especially now that I work with and write about dogs all day, I have to make an effort not to just blurt out “DOGS DOGS DOGS DOGS DOGS DOGS DOGS” when someone asks me what my interests are.
6. Slowly reveal layers of your crazy dog lady.
Here’s the thing, there is NOTHING wrong with being a crazy dog lady. We consider that a badge of honor here at BarkPost. The art of dating, however, is slowly revealing your layers of crazy, like an onion. While you’re still in the “courtship” phase, it’s probably best to keep the CDL (crazy dog lady) levels to a 5. FOR NOW.
Once you’ve made it past the first couple of stages, you can reveal the “Pajamas of your own dog” side of you. You can be like, “SURPRISE THIS IS THE REAL ME” and if they’re the right person they’ll be like “OMG I’VE BEEN HIDING MY DOG PAJAMAS TOO” and you can be like “WOW LOVE IS GREAT”.
7. Don’t use your “doggy voice” on your date.
How you talk to your dog when no one else is around is your business. But when you’re with a new love interest try and cool the jets. Trust me, anything romantic or sexual said in a high pitched voice will totally derail any romantic situation. “You want to take this to the beddieee?” Just don’t do it guys. Not that I know from experience.
8. If you bring someone back to your place, hide the squeaky toys.
“Y’all don’t mind if I just squeak this as loud as possible while you’re trying to get yourselves in the mood do you?”-Dogs
9. Have a lint roller on hand. At all times.
This is another one of those, only in the early stages things. I treat dog hair like leg hair. Eventually in a relationship you’re going to have hairy legs and your significant other is just going to have to deal with it because you’re beautiful just the way you are and shaving is annoying. #aintnobodygottimeforthat #probablywhyimstillsingle
10. Just like the dog hair, keep farting to a minimum. For now.
There are so many great things about dogs. One of them is their willingness to accept the blame for any and all farts. And by that I mean they have absolutely no idea you’re doing it. If it’s a healthy relationship, you will bring your own unique farts into it at a certain point. But you’re not there yet.
11. Make sure you’re not being used for your dog, and vice versa.
12. Flirt using dog gifs!
If you’re anything like me, you’re not so great in the “expressing emotions” department. THAT’S OK. That’s what GIFS are for.
DO: Use gifs to say cute things like “Can’t wait to see you”
Or, “I miss you”
DON’T: Use gifs to say important things like, “I’m feeling suffocated by this relationship and I’d like it to end”.
13. Check their search history to make sure they’re not googling cats.
Just to be safe.
14. If they offer to pick up your dog’s poop…LOCK IT DOWN.
Seriously, put a ring on it.