There are all kinds of roommates — messy ones, clean ones, ones you knew before, ones you didn’t know before, ones who were your best friend at one point but now they’re moving out and it’s extremely dramatic for all parties involved.
There are all kinds of dogs. But unlike roommates, all dogs are awesome. As such, a dog roommate will trump a human roommate nearly every time. And we have the proof:
1. No passive-aggressive notes
A dog will never leave a passive-aggressive note about how just once maybe you could remember to buy toilet paper or replace the roll. For one, dogs don’t even think about toilet paper (unless they’re eating it) and they could really care less if you wipe your butt (although you should wipe your butt). A dog accepts you for your gross, slovenly, forgetful self without question.
If you do miss the giving and receiving of passive-aggressive notes, you can always write one to your dog. No guarantee they’ll understand it though.
2. Never wait for the bathroom again
You know what the worst thing is about sharing a bathroom? Sharing a bathroom.
For most of us, every pre-work shower happens at the last minute and every poop is an emergency. Your dog will never hog the bathroom. If anything, they’ll join you and cheer you on.
Has your human roommate ever supported you like this?
3. No more strange weirdos in your home
You never have to worry again about odd guests, friends of friends, and mysterious hook-ups shuffling through your apartment, not washing their dishes, and passing out on the futon.
No, no, the only weirdos that come into your home now are completely up to you.
Like, obviously you’re gonna let this guy in.
4. The Great “Whose Pubes Are These On The Toilet Seat?” Debate Is Finally Over
Same goes for the historic “Who Didn’t Do Their Dishes?” debacle and the classic “Who Deleted My DVR’d Housewives Episode?” dispute.
Now that your dog is your roomie, there’s only one person at fault for the pubes on the seat, the dirty dishes in the sink, and the discarded DVR episode. And it’s you.
Hey, don’t worry — at least your dog will always help with the dishes.
Unfortunately, the maintenance of your pubes and your DVR falls to you and no one else. Unless you’re some kind of god.
5. No more overheard sex
Sure, you might still hear your neighbors, but unless your dog brings someone home from the dog park — or finds a sexy pillow — these awkward encounters are over.
And if you’ve ever been subjected to the baby talk between a roommate and their significant other, you can now rest easy knowing the only cringe-worthy chatter emanating from your home will be between you and your dog.
6. No more gross food left out
If nasty old food is left out, your dog will happily clean it up.
I can’t say the same for myself or any human roommate I’ve ever had.
7. 100% certainty who ate your food
When you have a roommate and your food is gone or greatly diminished, you’re, like, 99% sure they did it. But you can’t really be absolutely 100% sure, so usually you never confront them and the tension just builds and builds until it HAS to release, usually in the form of an unfortunate mini-meltdown.
However, when your roommate is your dog, you know exactly who ate those cookies you left on the counter, that delicious chicken you made for the potluck, and the leftover pasta from the office party. It was the dog. Every time. They practically confess.
8. Full access to all devices
Your dog will never hog the TV or blast bad music from their speakers. Why?
Because your dog has the exact same taste in TV, movies and music that you do. How cool is that?!
9. No more small talk
Small talk is always painful, and nothing epitomizes this more than the dreaded daily question, “So, how was your day?” Ironically, often the worst part of your day is having to respond to that question in a way that doesn’t sound like this:
Your dog, on the other hand, won’t ever subject you to this question because dogs generally don’t speak English. But that’s fine, because dogs don’t need words to express the GENUINE EXCITEMENT they feel every time you walk through the door.
10. A judgement-free zone
And finally, your dog won’t judge you for your shortcomings in the way that we humans inevitably critique each other. Your dog doesn’t care about your heaps of dirty laundry, your questionable singing skills, or the fact that you believe microwaving pizza qualifies as “cooking.”
The truth is, your dog thinks knows you’re the coolest thing since sliced bread — and that’s saying something, cause dogs love bread.
There are probably more reasons a dog is the best roommate you’ll ever have, but we think this is sufficient rebuttal material for when someone asks why you love living with just your pup. And if you’re in a rush, you can always just reference a photo like this one:
