Don’t hold it against yourself. Sometimes these thoughts just pop into your head. There’s nothing you can do about it. You’re alone, in a room, with your dog. Then all of a sudden, you find yourself thinking…
1. Do I really taste as good as the dog thinks I do? #LickPicks
2. Dogs would NEVER name food after humans.
3. Other dogs don’t understand my Chihuahua. I think he barks in Spanish.
4. Are they dreaming about running to something? Or from something?
5. They might have meant Man’s Best Frenemy.
6. If dogs sweat through their mouths, and humans sweat through their armpits, what are a dog’s armpits for?
7. Dogs have fewer taste buds than humans. Which explains a lot actually.
8. Dude. I took your nuts. WHY are you still humping things?!
9. But the brochures from the rescue said dogs don’t take things personally…
10. … or know how to take advantage of human emotions…
11. … I think they need to rewrite the brochures.
12. Why does it rain every time the dog licks their crotch?
13. I think it’s nice, ya know, that you return the favor. #PoopWatching
14. Why is my dog’s junk so… huge?
15. I would trade places with my dog in a second. #Jealous