You love your dog. But that doesn’t mean you don’t also love a romantic night out on the town. Even if your dog can’t tag along.
And even if you meant “let the dogs out” metaphorically.
Anyway. Here are four reasons you can — and should — get a dog-sitter for Valentine’s Day and enjoy this love(ly) holiday guilt-free!
1. Your dog wants you to get laid
Of course your dog wants you to get some. This theory can be proved using the Transitive Property.
A: Your dog = true friend
B: True friend = wants you to get laid
Therefore, A=C: Your dog = wants you to get laid
And come on, someone in this house besides that pink stuffed animal needs to get some action.
2. Absence makes the heart grow fonder
No matter how well (or not) the night goes, you can take comfort in knowing that you’re going home with — or coming home to — the best thing ever: the unconditional love of your pup.
So take a few hours and enjoy yourself outside of the house. You’ll appreciate your dog even more when you walk through the door and they come bounding over to you.
3. Your dog might have Valentine’s Day plans, too, you know
If your dog has Valentine’s Day plans, they’re probably hoping you do, too. Otherwise it’s awkward. Like when you’re in a really great relationship but your best friend hasn’t met anyone even close to decent, and you feel bad sharing anything remotely happy about your blossoming love, so you just talk about the Kardashians, again.
Chances are, your dog is a straight-up Casanova just waiting to get their night started. So hurry up and finish getting dressed. Some of us have been ready for hours.
4. For the sake of the dog-sitter
Remember: your dog-sitter was most likely available on Valentine’s Day because they are single.
There’s nothing wrong with being single, but sometimes this holiday makes you feel like there is.
Some of us just haven’t found our bird yet, alright?! But by hiring this person to take care of your pup for a few hours, you’re saving them from a solo evening alone watching Netflix and eating ice cream. Instead, they can watch Netflix and eat ice cream with your awesome dog.
Surely that’s better. I mean, yeah, they’re still single — you didn’t help them with that at all, so don’t give yourself too much credit — but at least they can hang out with a cool dog for a little, right?
This theory can once again be proven using the wonder of Mathematics:
Hanging with dog > hanging alone
That’s it. That’s the whole theorem explained. Class dismissed.
So go into your Valentine’s Day with a dog-sitter and without any worry!
Besides, you probably have other, bigger stuff to worry about. Like if you’re gonna get that last-minute dinner reservation.