We’ve all been there.
Things are getting hot and heavy — whether it’s between you and your soulmate or the not-as-hot-as-their-Tinder-pic-but-f*ck-it-it’s-been-awhile stranger you just met — and it feels like nobody else in the world exists. When you finally come up for air, eager to dive back down into the depths of your steamy sexcapade, that is when your eyes meet.
Your dog. Sitting just a few feet away, their eyes widened watching as you perform perhaps the most animal act of all. What do you do? What exactly is the protocol here?
As with everything these days, there are many schools of thought. Some people banish their dogs from the room until the deed is done, some let their horndogs watch, some refrain from sex entirely for the approximately 15 to 16 years of their dog’s life (I don’t know any personally, but there are some weird people out there). Whatever your preference, you’ve got to admit, you’ve at least thought about it.
“Does she know what’s happening?”, “What is he thinking right now?”, “Is this messed up?”, “Is she critiquing my form?”
And while it’s normal to wonder, if you’re obsessing over any of these questions while actually having sex, the answer is “no.” Do yourself a favor: if you can’t stop thinking about it, confine your dog to another room so that you and your partner can both enjoy yourselves without an overly eager third wheel standing by.
My dog, who is extremely hyper when at the office or out and about, puts herself to bed the moment we get home and we often don’t see her until the next morning. She has beds and blankets — but tends to bury herself in the cleanest pile of laundry she can find — regardless, she is essentially blind and deaf when she’s in this nestled state. I honestly would have a hard time knowing if she was in the room or not.
This is not the case for many dogs who find sex to be upsetting or exciting. Some dogs perceive it as an attack on / by their owner, some perceive it as playing, some are all too anxious to get in on the action. Nobody knows your dog better than you do. You can tell if they are exhibiting signs that they are upset or uncomfortable with anything that is going on.
Basically, as long as everyone present is okay with what’s happening, that’s all that matters. If you, your partner, or your dog are exhibiting any signs of discomfort, it’s time to figure out a solution that works for everyone. (Maybe confining your dog to another room and apologizing with a special treat afterwards — happy endings all around?)
In our super scientific office poll, a whopping 81% of those surveyed said they believed having sex with your dog in the room is okay with only 19% dissenting (granted we work in an exceptionally dog-crazy and, therefore, grossly biased environment). But the interest piqued by simply asking people this routine question, reaffirmed what I already knew to be true. People have definitely thought about it.