Gather ’round, my little Chosen pups, and let your Great Great Great Dane tell you the story of Doggy Hanukkah.
It was some 15,000 years ago (2,200 in hooman years) when our pup-ple were living under the thumb of cruel masters. They were mean, they mistreated us, and they took the food bowl we worshipped and claimed it as their own.
There was no ASPCA back then, nor PETA… there wasn’t so much as a rescue shelter to help out our poor four-legged ancestors. Nope, our pup-ple were on their own. And so we rose up! Led by the massive Mastiff Maccabees, we rebelled against our cruel overlords… and we won!
We put them in the doghouse and reclaimed our holy bowl. By the time it was over, we were hungry… but it was getting dark and we could hardly see the food in front of our furry faces.
We knew that without light we would starve! Some pup found a little bit of candle oil… but there was only enough to last a few minutes. So we lit it, started feeding, and put our paws together for a miracle.
…And a miracle happened! Even though there wasn’t much oil, it lasted all night. In the warm lamplight, every Chow Chow could chow down at our holy bowl, eating yummy things like Latkes & Lox biscuits, Mutt Soup and brisket biscuits why not. The beagles ate bagels, the bloodhounds shared blintzes, and every collies had a bialy. It was a pawsome feast!
After every pooch had eaten, the candle oil was still burning bright, so our pup-ple decided to play some games. They played sniff-the-butt-on-the-donkey, chase the tail, and tug-of-war with the Star of David rope toy.
And that’s why we celebrate Doggy Hanukkah to this day, eating great treats and spending time with our families– to remind ourselves of our hairy history, and keep our traditions alive.
That, my Chosen pups, is the true story of Doggy Hanukkah.