We’re sorry, cats. We realize we’re not exactly fair to you all the time. Many of you live in the same houses as our beloved dogs, and we realize how excruciating it must be to watch a big box filled with puppy goodies arrive for the dog, and not you, every month. We’re not going to fix the problem, and we’re sorry. But we are going to write a post in your honor, and countdown the most jealous cats to ever behold a BarkBox. Enjoy!
1. I can haz Barkbox?
2. Will throw dog brother over cliff for BarkBox.
3. Swear I will do it. They get all this stuff EVERY MONTH and what do I get? Climbed on. Assaulted. Thoroughly doghandled.
4. I haz the feelings too, you know. They mostly involve stuff like “Get out of my way” and “stop touching me I don’t really love you” but I still haz them.
5. I’m too good to feel victimized by these losers. In the wild I would totally kick their pampered little puppy butts.
6. I could totally take that mutt and he would never know what hit him. Like, KaPOW and take his Bully Stick.
7. While you’re playing with a stupid Kong for hours (Mom unscrews it to put the peanut butter in, you dumbbutt) I’ll be learning a real skill. Krav Meow, or something.
8. So if he’s off chasing that stupid ball when the BarkBox comes, I can be like a ninja and intercept it. Take that, smelly doge!
9. That little bitch would never know what hit her.
10. Here’s the real question: Why do hoomans like them anyways?
11. I mean, seriously, they do their bizness in different places. Every day. So weird.
12. And they want to hang out with you, like, all the time. I will not follow you into the bathroom. I respect your privacy, hooman.
13. Dogs just don’t deserve Barkbox.