The Only Guide to the Puppy Bowl You’ll Ever Need

The Only Guide to the Puppy Bowl You’ll Ever Need


What puppy does not dream of grid iron glory?

Puppy Bowl X is the biggest sporting event in the world, if not, the entire woofing universe. Kicking off at February 2 at 3 PM, this game pits the No. 1 offense against the No. 2 defense, and adorableness will reign supreme. Who will rise above the scrum to claim gridiron glory?

The BarkPost’s Top Picks for the 2014 Puppy Bowl:


First to hit the field is quarterback Abdiel, a Labrador retriever/terrier mix. He brings the cuddle! Like Baltimore Colts legend Johnny Unitas, Abdiel played semi-pro football for $3 per game. Abdiel’s only weakness is his frequent need for in game nap time.


Abdiel : Photo courtesy of Animal Planet


Coming up next is boxer/hound mix Bayla who is sure to be a household name by the end of the game. She’s a camera-canoodler who is known for her no-nonsense hard-hitting style. When she is not leveling the competition on the playing field, she is often seen canoodling on floor with her teammates.


Bayla : Photo courtesy of Animal Planet


If you are looking for the softest puppy on four legs, look no further than Artemis. But don’t let her adorable mug deceive you. Last game, she commandeered a last-gasp drive to secure her place in the Puppy Bowl starting lineup.


Artemis : Photo courtesy of Animal Planet


Aurora, a curious Dalmatian, possesses the marvelous attributes of the Puppy Bowler: play calling genius, tireless enthusiasm, and bottomless endurance. She is sure to run circles around her competitors as she puppy-prances down the field like a gazelle.


Aurora : Photo courtesy of Animal Planet


Like Broadway Joe, Labrador retriever Benton has guaranteed victory in the pregame press conferences leading up to the Puppy Bowl. He’s swagger off the field is backed up by his proficiency on the field.


Benton : Photo courtesy of Animal Planet


Don’t let appearances fool you. Coco is hard-nosed blocker that levels defensive tackles. Many see her as the heart-and-soul of the backfield.


Coco : Photo courtesy of Animal Planet


As the defensive linchpin in Puppy Bowl X, Lily the Basset Hound can smell fear in the heart of her opponents. She’s long, big-boned, and stout. In the trenches, her thick coat repels most, if not all, running backs.


Lily : Photo courtesy of Animal Planet

Quick and agile, leggy Loren is always ready for a rumble. Though slight, she will never back down from a tussle. Last season, she led the league in tennis ball interceptions (36)!


Loren : Photo courtesy of Animal Planet


What Ginger lacks in ferocity, she makes up for in gentleness. As a loveable homebody, she just wants to cuddle with her forever family as soon as the big game is over.

Puppy Bowl X Hero Shots

Ginger : Photo courtesy of Animal Planet


Mandy is a tenacious tackler that has terrorized wide receivers all season. She received national recognition last week for her game-saving pass breakup and post-game interview. She’s as fiery off the field as she is on it!


Mandy : Photo courtesy of Animal Planet

Taser and Sharpie:

Despite their humble beginnings, these two brothers are scrappy and are there to win. Never underestimate the skinny guys. 😉


This will be a game of adorableness versus adorableness, canoodling versus canoodling. Legends will rise and fall on the battlefield. That said, Benton guaranteed victory leading up to the big show, and who am I to doubt him.

Benton guarantees victory at poolside.

Benton guarantees victory at poolside in Miami.